Football Forum | Ticket Forum | Off-Topic Forum | All

cup of tea 10:27 Sun Oct 9
What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

About a foot last night. Lovely straight well textured fully intact stool requiring 3 toilet flushes and use of a bog brush to clean skiddies from the pan.

BRANDED 2:38 Mon Oct 10
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

As long as Dimi's fore arm

BaconEggAndBeans 1:30 Mon Oct 10
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

When I was in florida my shits where mainly 2D puddles, I got the odd grass snake style jobbies if I was lucky.
Anybody who has fat shits has obviously taken it up the arse at some point
Logic (not the rapper)

Claret Badger 12:07 Mon Oct 10
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

vacations to the US always guarantees the biggest most intact dirts when snapping one off.


I can safely coil one inside of the yankee porcelain almost half the circumference of the entire bowl - which equates to 15-18 inches of tepid greenish shit loaf.

the distance of water from anus makes breakage a non issue

and the additional fat content in their food makes the log ease out like a glacial gorillas finger

Noah 11:20 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

stoneman 10:32 Sun Oct 9

Drowning the Cosby's

IsaacHock 11:15 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

In 2009 I took a trip to New York state and shattered my length record by 21%. Throughout my career as a turdsman, most of my top 10 deliveries have occurred in the United States; I believe this to be attributable to two reasons.

1. Whilst on holiday my food consumption will invariably be a more meat based, and hence higher fat content diet. In my opinion, this increases both the malleability and consistency of the stool in a positive manner, allowing a turd that will curl around the pan without breakage.
2. Generally speaking, the pan is shallower in an American toilet, with a corresponding closeness of the water to the anus which supports the stool during the birthing phase. As such there is, as in point 1, a smaller chance of breakage of the stool, and hence an environment for record breaking turds.

So, to the trip in 2009. I had consumed a chimichanga the night before, and an egg & streaky bacon breakfast in the morning - the afternoon saw us take a trip to Saratoga racetrack for the afternoon's racing. I took a trip to the traps and thanks to the combination of the factors above, unleashed a brown python that, once bent around the pan, took on the look of one of those horse collars that they place around a burners neck. It measured 14" minimum and gave me a sense of pride that ensured I had to secure photographic evidence. Unfortunately I had neglected to kill the flash in my excitement and hence my neighbouring traps had quizzical expressions when we emerged.

I don't remember much about the racing that day, whether I emerged up or down, or even the track and facilities themselves. However, that day will live on on memory as the day I gave birth to King Kong's finger.

Enoch Nutter 11:02 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

As for me. The one that was like a Can of Elnet. I didn't bother flushing. Left it for the Chief to find later :)

Enoch Nutter 10:59 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Laughed till I cried reading that. Mrs N watching Poldark and not happy with me. :D

Fresh 10:56 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Done a massive curly whirly about 4 rings all getting smaller like,a mr whippy

stoneman 10:32 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

I also love the phrases used by people to say they are going for a poo.

Dropping the kids off at the pool

Laying some pipes

Touching cloth.

It makes me laugh, its childish I know but pooing is funny!

stoneman 10:25 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Funniest thread ever on this site, made me produce a little bit of wee I laughed so much.

Bungo 10:06 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

I once pooed the perfect bottom half of an exclamation mark.

An even, round 'full stop,' with the perfectly tapered stalk directly above it. unfortunately I couldn't see the top of the stalk as it disappeared off towards the bend so I can only really vouch for the bottom half.

Not necessarily gargantuan, but still a very proud achievement.

Son of Anarchy 9:03 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Easily the day after I arrived in Chicago in 2010, went to Gibsons steak house the nighr before.

It was like a baseball bat

bruuuno 8:45 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Burnhammeronsea 4:48 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?




Ah, the worm

stomper 8:12 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

riosleftsock 4:07 Sun Oct 9

Sounds like you're in need of a Garderobe.

Gavros 8:09 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

I was a bit bunged uo at a festival once, but eventually needed a shit bad and the only thing to hand was an empty pringles tube.

I managed to fill the length and most of the girth. I was so proud I kept hold of it to show people. I then lobbed it at some cunt late at night and ducked for cover.

HairyHammer 6:11 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

No idea, all I know is that it feels like its been a shit long season already.

Burnhammeronsea 4:48 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

After a transatlantic flight in the 90s I did a really long one which, I kid you not, was over two feet long all curled around and fairly thin. I was tempted to photograph it but as it was in the days before digital cameras I didn't fancy the girl in Boots giving me funny looks when she handed over my prints.

riosleftsock 4:07 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

I've had to install a rope ladder above my throne, for obvious reasons.

I keep a sword in the bathroom.

Saul Bollox 4:06 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Did one once that kept sliding out without a break for what seemed ages. When i tried ti inspect it there was nothing there. I am told by an expert in these things that when the turtle head reaches the down pipe, the remainder of the stool is pulled through the bends and it disappears. Until this was explained to me it was quite a weird experience.

defjam 1:45 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Stranded 1:43 *Applause*

Stranded 1:43 Sun Oct 9
Re: What is the longest faecal stool you have ever discharged from your anus?

Faecal stool?







faecal three piece suite..

Page 1 - Next